Finding Self Acceptance With Chronic Illness

Photo by Averie Woodard // Unsplash

I was receiving body work from a healer when he said to me- "you have to remember there's nothing wrong with you".

After years of searching for answers and learning about the brain and it’s preferences for safety, I see this in two ways, 1- There's nothing wrong with me, let go of the endless searching and instead listen to the body to find peace, a remembrance of who I am without chronic illness.  2- But I wasn't ready yet... and that’s ok, I knew I needed more answers and that my physical body needed help.  When I was ready, I was able to accept. 

You see, for so long I knew there was something off, something didn't feel right in my being. My body was signaling to me to pay attention through the aches and pains, the inflammation, the acne, the fatigue, the bloating and anxiety.

When I finally got the diagnosis of Hashimoto's I felt relief and confirmation that I wasn't crazy, the doctor who diagnosed me finally saw me, I wasn't making this all up, I wasn't creating all of this myself.  Hormone results came in and I had estrogen levels through the roof, I was estrogen dominate a nutritionist told me that women with those levels are usually diagnosed clinically depressed and it was a wonder I was even functioning. Next came the heavy metals, the viruses, the mold. To discover having the mthfr genetic mutation meaning that all of these toxins weren’t able to detox on their own and were taking up space in my body and throwing all of my systems off.

But there’s a delicate dance between these answers and true healing. It’s easy to get stuck in the fear of the harmful environment or pain causing a deeper lack of safety in the your body in the world we live in. And truly believing (knowing, even trusting) there’s nothing wrong with you - inherently - and being able to find that sweet spot is where the healing takes place. The radical self-care that it takes to support your unique body wether that’s because of a genetic mutation or the body you were given this lifetime. What is being asked of you?

I’ve gone through so many feelings around this over the years, from feeling sorry for myself and wondering why feeling good has had to be so complicated for me to feeling grateful for the journey with it because, while it has complicated, I feel it has been a spiritual journey, one that has required me to heal generational traumas and learn boundaries and what I am or am not available for, I’ve learned to treat my body like a temple and honor my female body and it’s unique needs and become closer with nature. And more than anything it’s been a journey back to wholeness, back to loving myself.

Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.  If you have a feeling that something isn't quite right, trust your intuition and follow that.  I realize there are many people selling self help "affirm your way to happiness", but if you have something physically going on that may not be enough to get you through and you could end up even more disappointed and frustrated when it doesn't work, you just can’t force these things.

Living through chronic illness isn’t easy, and choosing to heal isn’t for the faint of heart. If someone hasn't experienced chronic illness they will won't be able to really understand what it feels like to be dismissed, gaslit, misunderstood and living in pain desperate for answers and relief.  And they also won’t understand what it’s going to take to pull yourself out of it.

True healing comes from:

1. Acceptance, see if you can allow yourself to surrender to what is showing up, there's an opportunity for growth, for falling in love with yourself. Know that your body’s number one priority is to keep you safe and alive, sometimes at the expense of your appearance or energy to do the things you love, but trust - your body is not the enemy,it is your number one care taker and is sending signals it needs your help (this is your body’s language and your job is to learn how to speak it).

2. Self-care, set boundaries, say no when you need to. listen to your body when it needs rest or when it needs more movement, and give it that. This also includes your environment, where do you spend most of your time, is it supportive of your healing? I know I know, but the social life!  Trust me- I had to put my social life on standstill- it wasn't the end of the world and I'm much better for it on the other side. This became my mantra “My energy is precious, I allocate time & resources towards actions that excite & bring me closer to my goal.”

3. Get support, do you have a support team in place? Friends, family, or others who might be experiencing the same thing. A good doctor, a support health coach (like myself) and any other healing modalities you wish to use.  

4. Addressing psychical healing needs, find a good practitioner to help you do root cause work to support your physical body like detoxing, nutrients; balancing hormones and blood sugar.

Always remember, you are your best healer when you learn to speak the language of your body.

with love.

Katie 

If you are inspired by my story and are ready to find acceptance and feel better in a body you love, I created this 1:1 course Return To Wholeness with you in mind.